Hi y’all! I owe you all a tremendous apology. I had said that I would be posting my next post with the contest winner on May 14th but I had no idea what was coming. Due to circumstances so far out of my control and beyond anything that I expected for that week I just could not post. Truly y’all did not want to read the things in my head over the last two weeks and it has taken me until now to clear my head enough to give you all something more than a jumbled mess.
Psalm 30:5b has been on my heart over the past few days. It says
“Weeping may last through the night,
but joy comes with the morning.”
“Joy comes in the morning”, huh? Well, two weeks full of mornings have happened and I haven’t fully located the illusive joy. Then I realized that the seven days that the Word says it took God to create the earth wasn’t OUR seven days but His so “the morning” probably isn’t in my time either. And because I think this is MY world instead of His I have ever so kindly mentioned to God that I feel like He needs to get it together and do things on my time because He takes too long.
Let me back up about 2 weeks. On Wednesday May 17th, my Dad left this earth and walked into eternity. He battled leukemia until his body said it was done.
Grief demands so much more of us than we are ever willing to give. It shatters even the hardest of exteriors and brings us to our knees.
I wish I could tell you that I immediately clung to God’s word and that made everything okay but I sadly didn’t. I had to circle back around. I was angry. I wanted joy in the morning and I wanted it instantaneously. I wanted to feel better and understand why the restoration that I long for won’t happen on earth. I wanted to know why God had put so many words on my heart that I wanted to say to Dad but I never could. Why all the words if I wasn’t given the chance to say them?!
We have all heard it, said it, experienced that we are all bound by space and time and even in our wildest attempts to understand it all we really understand very little. There will always be questions left unanswered, too many questions to list. Heaven is our hope for unanswered questions.
Joy, come in the morning.
As Zack told me today “Mom, joy in the morning is a choice”. Yes, it is but it’s also a process when we are dealing with deeper issues than a regular old bad day. After a rough day, when we choose to see the positive, we know that joy and peace will be waiting on us in the morning. But what about those situations that are not so easy?
I think the difference between the ability to choose joy and processing grief is reality. Knowing that the bad day is small and won’t have a large impact on the tomorrows. Whereas loss leaves a hole and forces you to search for a new reality. It can’t be immediately swept up into the dustpan and filed under “dealt with” because the holes of loss are vacancies that cannot be patched, mended, or filled. No matter how hard we try it is still there.
Memories soften the sharp edges loss leave, they make finding joy in the morning possible.
Now for the fun stuff!
The winner of the Choose Joy Signboard is….
Please e-mail your address to firstname.lastname@example.org