Two different sets of rings. Two very different marriages. Same two people.
My sister often says that my boys got what every child victim of divorce gets: their whole family back. It’s true. It was a modern day miracle. An impossible thought made possible. Who knew I was worthy of such a blessing?!
When Jim and I got back together I told him I wanted a new wedding set. I felt that we needed a fresh start in every way possible. We were changed. Never had I been so happy, not even the day Jim first proposed. Finally we were on a positive path to be the couple we were meant to be!
Maybe it was a sign and maybe it was just arthritis, but you know Jim’s first wedding band never fit very well. It cut into him and taking it off was not an option. Before he got his new set he wore the yellow gold set for awhile. During that time he had to have surgery and he wasn’t allowed to wear his ring in. He couldn’t get it off. They threatened to cut it off of him, he got it off before it came to that but it was not easy. When we wore the yellow gold set we never really fit either. We cut into each other with a sharpness that left wounds that appeared would never heal.
When the rings came off and we were apart the wounds began to heal. Slowly, very slowly. We were all worn and broken, mourning the loss of a complete family. My life became a statistic, my kids just two more victims of a bad marriage. I hated it all. My nightmares now are seeing my boys crying as Daddy dropped them off on Sundays. (Just typing that made me well up.) In the midst of our brokenness God was moving us. Teaching us to rely on Him in a way that we had never done before. Jim and I each hit rock bottom separately. Self-desctructing silently was really the best thing that could have happened.
I don’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the way I started to like him again. Not like “oooohhh he’s cute”, but as a person. He became my friend again and then eventually his status as best friend was restored. The boy I loved as a teenager turned man of God. He had changed and so had I. I must’ve blinked because I missed both of us changing. Suddenly we could laugh again. Talking became about life, things beyond how our boy’s day was. Friendship was how we started back in 1991 so it was only natural to fall back into what was easy and familiar.
We had a lot to work on and through. Trust was a huge factor and not one that we could rush into. We spent much of the next few months dating as though we hadn’t already dated, married and divorced. We were new. We had to learn about the new person standing in front of each of us.
Our faiths are stronger than ever imagined; our relationship is built on the rock of that faith. We are HSFB and we live our lives in a way that allows us to be a blessing.
We carry with us everywhere, everyday the battle scars of our broken past. But, now they are our testimony. They could have been a badge of shame or depression. The divorce could be the anchor that the enemy uses to keep us apart from each other and from God’s grace. Oh how thankful I am for His grace!
I will tell everyone that will listen about His grace, His mercy and His unfailing love for us.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.